PHASE I: THE MEET. So there was a guy I met while watching March Madness b-ball games with some friends. He actually was a manager at the bar and he kept coming over to where I was sitting to talk to me. I was so engrossed in the game (yes I AM pathetic when my alma mater is playing) that I just took it as him being friendly and at the time I thought he was a bartender and that’s what bartenders do. But all of my girlfriends are like “he is TOTALLY flirting with you” which they said was based on him talking to me more than anyone else, and going out of his way to come over to where I was. So at the end of the night, when I was leaving he yells out “it was nice to meet you!” all the way across the room which did make me blush and laugh because he wasn’t even drinking (since he was working) and that is something more likely to happen when someone is buzzed on alcohol. So at that second, I decided maybe he HAD BEEN flirting with me the whole time. So I planned to come back to that bar in a few weeks to hang out with some friends and do a little recon.
PHASE II: RECON. Cut to 3 Saturdays later, I am with my 5 friends (co-ed group) and we are drinking and playing pool in the downstairs section of the same bar. By the way, this room is actually L-shaped so when you’re in one of the corners you can’t really see the other corner. The bar itself is in the jointed part of the L so only when you’re at the bar can you see everything. Hope that little logistical explanation helps you to understand my fun evening.
All together we were there for 3 hours and during this time I drank 3 Malibu & Diet Coke’s and I was definitely loosened up and ready to talk to the guy. However, each time I went to the bar to order drinks, he wasn’t there (he was either in the upstairs part of the building where the restaurant is or just elsewhere). Plus, this is before I knew he was a manager at the place and all I could tell is that he runs around a lot and therefore is never in the same place for long. Even my friends were in on the “recon assignement” as well, checking for him each time they went to the bar to get drinks. No such luck.
I was beginning to get frustrated at not getting to talk to him even once when he actually comes around the corner, fairly close to our table, moving tables & chairs around. He comes over to our table, looks right at me and says “do you know what song I hate more than this?” (Love Shack was blaring on the jukebox). I said “no, what?”. He just says “nothing”, in a very deadpan way, and thanks to my 3 drinks and thinking he’s prettydamncute, I laugh really loud. Much louder than that small joke warranted. I just smile and he moves on to another table, smiling back.
So now that he has “initiated contact”, I decide it’s time to get in the game. I tell my friends that I am just going up to him the next time he’s within 20 feet of us. In about 10 minutes he is right across the bar, moving things on top of the tables now. I stand up, pretty proud of my gutsy 3-drink-enabled self, and head over to him. The best line I can come up with as I walk up to him is “so what is your favorite song?” with a good smile. He replies “well, I like a lot of music.” And that begins a 10 minute or so discussion of music, how he used to sing & play piano to pay his way through college, also he’s the manager there and he works insane hours, and which sports teams he follows. To which he says to me all of a sudden “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you without your Cubs hat on?”. <<which to me says that he remembers I was wearing a Cubs hat when I was in there watching basketball 3 weeks before when we talked the first time>> So before we finish talking he says “are you gonna come back here?” and I say “yeah, I think I will.” We both smile, a little bit later my friends & I leave, and I consider Phase II a success
PHASE III: GOING IN ALONE. Because I found out he’s the manager and practically LIVES at the place, and because he didn’t get my number the last time (which didn’t bother me because we’d only really had one short conversation and one longer conversation), I decide that I will go to the restaurant (which is upstairs from the bar) on a weeknight when it will be less busy and maybe he will actually be able to sit down for a few minutes and talk some more. Great plan right? I thought so. So I show up on a random Wednesday a couple weeks or so after the “Recon” night. I eat a really good (surprising for that bar) dinner and the place is pretty dead. At the end of the meal, I still haven’t seen him so I ask my waitress, who seems cool and nice, if he is working. She says “he’s downstairs (at the bar) getting ready for tonight.” Long story short(er) he comes up a few minutes later, sees me at the table, says hey and asks if he can sit down. I consider it a good sign that he is comfortable enough to do that & he obviously wants to hang out for a few minutes which I also consider a good sign.
So he sits down and tells me that he’s really excited because they are starting a new thing on Wed nights with a DJ that is geared at getting the college crowd in. So that’s what she meant when the waitress said “getting ready for tonight”. I thought this would be just a slow, boring night for him but instead he has lots to do. Again. I’m also enjoying listening to him talk about this idea because he came up with it and he’s pretty proud of it. Then he has to go and asks if I’m gonna go downstairs and have a drink to hang out for a bit. Which I reluctantly decide to do (because I know I will be sitting at the bar, he’ll be running around like a chicken with his head cut off and I will learn nothing about him). That is exactly what happens but I also make buddies with the waitress (who is now off work and drinking) and her boyfriend who are chilling out with me and at least giving me someone to talk to. The guy comes past us every so often, in sorting of a “checking in on me” capacity to I guess make sure I’m not bored to tears sitting there when I don’t know any of these people. Half an hour later, nothing has changed and I am tired disappointed so I head out. He’s actually at the door when I leave and says “I’ll see you later.” I’m thinking later, when? since you don’t have my number and clearly I’m not making any forward progress. So I would chalk PHASE III into the not a success, but not a disaster category.
PHASE IV: My Cameron Diaz/Reese Witherspoon/Julia Roberts moment. Just to get you up to speed Phase I-III took from end of March-mid-May. Then I traveled for a few weekends which brought me to mid- June. At this point, I’m still thinking the guy as someone cute, nice, interesting and funny. All the makings of a potential date or even someone cool to hang out with (especially to listen to bands, etc) because we both love music. The only issue was that the only way to see him (until one of us had the other’s phone number) was to go where he worked. So my Phase IV was on a WHOLE other level. I figured if it actually took a few months to get from the meet to a couple 15-minute conversations how was I ever gonna find out whether this guy might be interested.
So I’m sitting at home on a Sat afternoon with some plans later that evening to hang out with some friends around 9. Which means I could do a quick drop-in at a certain bar at 8:30 to make a cameo appearance and chat with the guy for 2 minutes. Which I then changed to writing him a short note (2 sentences) with my number at the bottom saying if he wants to grab a beer sometime to let me know. HOLY CRAP! NEVER have I done anything like that before. In my life I have only ever asked out one guy. Every other time a guy got my number was because he asked for it.
Cut to me parking my car and walking into the place with the note folded in my hand. My plan was to see him, and hopefully he would be busy so that I could just hand it to him and head on my merry way, avoiding as much awkwardness as I could. Looking as fabulous as possible, I walk in and don’t see him so I ask the hostess at the door if he’s working. She says yes but apparently he’s downstairs (in bar area) handling a private party that’s going on. I say “no problem, I can stop by another time.” So I turn and casually head for the door. When I get about two feet from the door, she yells (YES YELLS!) “Hey! There he is!” At that point while I’m turning around, everyone in the restaurant is staring at me, and from across the room he says “Hey.” I don’t think it’s possible to describe how embarrassed I was at that exact moment AND although I didn’t have a mirror I’m guessing my face was a shade resembling deep crimson.
I do my best to pull it together and walk over towards him while he’s walking toward me. He says “hey” again and I smile and say “I just wanted to drop something off, I’m meeting some friends.” (the intention was to be casual as opposed to stalker-ish AND to make a fast getaway before he reads the note. Because unfortunately instead of him being busy and me just handing him the note and getting out of there ALL his attention is now on me). So he replies “ok, what is it?” WOW! I was NOT ready for that question. My recovery is “it’s just something that you can read later.” I’m already starting to leave at that point and he just says “Ok, I’ll see you later.” So I smile, reply back the same and walk out the door (without tripping). Also, I am INSANELY proud of myself for being ballsy enough to pull this off.
And as I’m walking to my car, I figure at least this will give me a verdict on “bar guy”. He’s either interested in me or he’s not. And if he’s not, it will be his loss and I will at least know and stop thinking about it anymore. Also, one more milestone in my learning-to-navigate-today’s-dating-world. Go me!
